


It’s not the love you want, but it’s the only love I have.

by poisonousdream



Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor - Fandom
Genre: Angst, FrostIron - Freeform, Hurt, M/M, mentions of past relationship, plot what plot?, prompt, ramble, slightly AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-05
Updated: 2014-02-05
Packaged: 2018-01-11 08:09:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1170724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poisonousdream/pseuds/poisonousdream
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki and Tony had a routine.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It’s not the love you want, but it’s the only love I have.

The muffled vibrations of his phone disturbed his sleep and pulled him towards consciousness. He felt around his tangled bed sheets and found his phone after a few seconds. A quick glance at his bedside clock told him who it would be. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and shuffled towards his bathroom as he slides his finger across the screen to answer the phone. A heavy baseline assaults his eardrum and he turns down the volume slightly as he gets out a bottle of painkillers and the spare toothbrush out of the cabinet.  
“Tell me where you are and I’ll be there as soon as I can.” He asks into his phone and struggles to hear the response over the pounding music. He writes the address on a spare piece of paper and hangs up. Slipping on some shoes and a jacket he grabs a blanket and a pillow and pulls out the futon and makes up the bed.

Half an hour later he pulls up outside a seedy looking bar and waits. It doesn’t take him long to spot him entwined in the arms of two women, whispering something in one of their ears. He honks his horn and snorts through his nose at the sight of the three of them jumping at the noise. He drives up a little further and rolls down the window.  
“Loki! Have I ever told you how much of a bastard you are?” Tony asks him slurring over his words and laughing when the women giggle. Loki rolls his eyes and leans across the car and opens the door for Tony.  
“You may have mentioned it once or twice, Stark.” He replied smoothly as Tony gracelessly fell into his seat, slamming the door in the process. Still as graceful as ever he thinks to himself. He waits patiently as Tony flirts with the women and makes false promises about calling them. Finally the women teeter away from the car and he pulls off rolling his eyes again as Tony leans out of the window waving and blowing kisses at them.

The car ride passes in silence, as Loki knows it would. He glances at the passenger seat out of the corner of his eye when they wait at the lights. Tony is slumped down in his seat looking out of the window up at the night sky. When the lights change and they move again, Loki is aware of Tony closing his eyes as the cold air hits him from the window, which remained open. They soon arrive across town to his apartment block and they both sit in the car for a few minutes collecting their thoughts before getting out after Tony rolls up the window. 

The ride up to his floor passes quickly and they’re soon inside his apartment. Loki hangs his keys up and walks to the bathroom, giving some illusion of privacy. He counts to a hundred in his head before grabbing the bottle of painkillers and walks back into his living area. As he expected he finds Tony curled up in his bed with his shoes in a pile on the floor. Loki silently places the bottle of painkillers on his bedside table and makes his way to the futon. He’s just fluffing up his pillow when he hears the telltale signs of the muffled sniffle. 

Without prompting, he stops what he’s doing and makes his way silently over to his bedroom. He watches from the doorway as Tony’s shoulders shake silently with the occasional raspy inhale escaping from his throat. It has become a routine since _the incident_ for the two of them: Tony goes out and drinks far too much, Loki will get a phone call in the early hours of the morning and he’ll go pick him up and bring him back here. In the morning they ignore Tony’s puffy red eyes and say their goodbyes until the next phone call. 

This night however, Loki crosses the threshold of his bedroom and climbs into his bed. Tony’s breath hitches and looks startled at Loki. This wasn’t part of the unspoken deal they have. Loki however simply raises an eyebrow at Tony daring him to tell him to leave. He watches as Tony has an internal battle with himself before shuffling across the bed to close the distance between them and burying his head into Loki’s chest. Instinctively Loki wraps his arms around his broken friend and holds him close, protecting him from the world. 

Not for the first time he curses _her_ in his head for reducing Tony Stark into this pitiful shell of the great man he was. Outwardly anyone would think that Tony was fine and had moved on with his life, but Loki painfully knew that it was a fragile mask he wore concealing his inner turmoil from the world. It was only in these moments that Tony would let his cracked mask slip, crashing down around him. He stroked a lock of Tony’s hair away from his face and closed his eyes slowly as he focused on the rhythmic pattern of Tony’s breathing.

They stayed in each other’s embrace for an unknown amount of time taking solace from their close proximity. Upon hearing the sheets rustling, Loki opens his eyes again and is greeted with the sight of Tony staring up at him intensely.  
“Is something the matter, Stark?” he questions whilst not breaking eye contact for a second.  
“I- Thank you.” Tony mumbles quietly breaking eye contact and looking down. Loki gently places his hand on Tony’s goateed chin and pushes it up so Tony is looking at him again.  
“No thanks are necessary, I am merely doing what one would do for a friend.” He states and is slightly surprised when his response is answered with a mirthless chuckle.  
“Everyone else has given up on me, Loki. Their patience has run out for… well this. They were there in the beginning when _it_ happened but now…” Tony shakes his head trailing off with a look of hurt and anger present on his face. 

Loki nods his head in understanding, because he knows exactly how Tony is feeling. That soul crushing moment where everything you thought you knew is viciously ripped from under your feet and you’re left devastated and reeling from the crushing blow. He closes his eyes, scrunching up his face attempting to block out those thought and feelings that he buried in the deepest darkest recess of his mind. He feels Tony move and a hand slide around his neck as he’s pulled into an embrace. In a reversal of roles it’s now his turn to bury his head into the others chest. The steady beat of Tony’s heart pounding against his cheek is a sensation that he latches onto as he slowly claws his way back from the edge. 

“We are just two broken souls, trying to find our purpose in this cruel unforgiving world, Stark. I too have been dealt a merciless hand by the fates, who have revelled in my despair I am sure.” Loki uttered heavily suddenly feeling overwhelmed with everything. His response is met with silence, yet he doesn’t mind as he expected as much. The kiss was something he didn’t expect though. Loki blinks in surprise as Tony tenderly places a kiss on his lips, slowly moving his lips against his. Alarm bells are screaming in his head telling him stop this and put great distance between them.

Maybe it showed in his eyes, or in his body language because Tony pulled away quickly and looks away. Tony goes to move out of the bed, but he puts his hand out stopping him in his tracks. They both look surprised at the action and share an awkward smile.  
“Loki... I’m sorry I shouldn’t have done that... Can we just pretend that that never happened or blame it on the alcohol?” Tony asked with an undertone of pleading in his question. He didn’t know what lead him to do it, but he pulled Tony close and returned the kiss. With a beat of hesitation Tony reciprocated the kiss. 

The kiss started off soft with a steady pace, which slowly grows deeper as they continued. Loki could taste the remnants of the scotch Tony had been drinking on his breath as breathed in the essence of Tony. The sensation making his head swim and his heart pound in exhilaration. It had been such a long time since he had let another be with him in any capacity that the experience was overwhelming all of his senses. 

Reluctantly, they pull away from each other once the necessity of breathing becomes a problem they can no longer ignore. Loki could feel Tony’s heart thundering against his chest as he places his hand over it. He’s also aware they are both panting as they attempt to catch their breaths. When he flicks his tongue over the roof of his mouth he can still taste the lingering aftertaste of the second hand alcohol and something that is uniquely Tony Stark. It's when he glances over at Tony the gravity of the situation hits him. 

He feels his heart ache at Tony’s expression of barely concealed self-doubt and loathing. Loki gently tilts his head forward so that they are resting forehead to forehead.  
“Stop it Stark. Whilst I admit it was a shock, do not think for a second that I regretted that. I may not have the love you want, but it is the only love I have to give.” He murmured quietly as he slips his hand into Tony’s hand giving it a squeeze. Loki can feel his heart pounding in his ears as he uttered his confession. The sound of soft laughter causes him to shoot his head up and look Tony in confusion as well feeling the sting of hurt.

“I do believe you just broke your cardinal rule, Loki.” Tony told him with a grin, which causes Loki to frown. What he just broken that Tony was referring too? His train of thought was broken when Tony planted a quick kiss on his lips. Tony places his head back in their previous position of forehead to forehead and whispered the word _sentiment_. Loki huffs in equal measures amusement and frustration and they both collapse into a fit of laughter. Once their laughter had died down, they laid back down on the bed wrapped up in each other’s arms once more. 

A comfortable silence had enveloped them as they enjoyed the closeness.  
“I’ll accept anything you’ll give me, because when I’m with you, there’s no place I’d rather be.“ Tony whispered softly breaking the silence. Loki places a loving kiss on the top of his head wordlessly thanking him for accepting and returning his love. Such a small action had set the wheels in motion and while the process would be long and often difficult, they had both taken the first step in their healing.

**Author's Note:**

> I had a completely different story planned out for this prompt, but this happened. As usual no plot, but it was buzzing around in my head so here we are. Enjoy!


End file.
